Hi John

Most of the folks who have left Christadelphia on the Ex-Christadelphian Facebook group had wanted to leave for years before they finally did exit the cult.

I say "cult" because it is only cults that ostracize ex-members from family and former friends in the cult. Suddenly, the exiting member becomes a pariah to be avoided by trusted friends and family - all the while pretending they are shunning them because they love them and want them to return to the fold. 

The way I see, none of them 'asked' to be born into that messed up religion to start with and the cult is upset because their brainwashing didn't stick. The folks who were not raised in the religion but converted to it from other religions don't seem to have as much problem leaving but usually end up being really angry about being duped.

In either case, it takes a lifetime to get over it - if that's even possible. Some say they have gotten over it but I notice that they are still talking about it just the same as if they hadn't. Actually, it's not getting over it; it's getting past it and reaching a point of not caring whether it's right or wrong.
Sweet, harmless, innocent Christadelphians.
But if you leave; they are going to condemn you!

Susan may feel that she owes them some kind of explanation for leaving - she doesn't. She doesn't owe them anything - they owe her, in my opinion, but she's never going to get the satisfaction because they are never wrong. Simply write a letter saying, "I quit". That's good enough.

Personally, I wouldn't do anything except just not go back and if they call I would just say "I'm not interested in that garbage". And, if they want to know why etc - I would just say, "I don't want to talk about it". The way I look at, it's far better to be the dumpER than the dumpEE. Let them play the victim part for a change. After all, it is the cult that has something to defend, not Susan. Susan is free to do whatever she wants.


Editor's Note: We have changed the name of the de-converting Christadelphian to protect her/his identity.

If you are thinking of de-converting we are here to help and advise if required. See our "How to resign" page here:

The Ex-Christadelphians Facebook Group is a great group for de-converting Christadelphians to join to get support and friendship through this difficult time.  Click here to visit the group. It is a closed group to protect your privacy. You will need to join to get full access. The group is run independently of this website.

We can be emailed at this address:


  1. Hello,
    I left CD 23 years ago
    Came back to re connect
    Did so for 7-8 weeks
    Was reminded of the past dysfunction
    Present dysfunction. I dont like being on Facebook but would like to know of different contacts in SA, where I can post comments and receive replies?
    Thank you

  2. I am assuming by SA that you mean South Africa.

    Many years ago, I used to live in Hillbrow, and visited CD ecclesias in the Joburg area. CDism is definitely a cult group. Some of the criteria fit more or less loosely than others, but they all fit. The "charismatic leader" is dead, but so is Scientology's. Just as the nut leaders of many other cult groups are dead, such as Brigham Young in Mormonism. They all claim to have "the only Truth." Dissent is poorly received and rarely allowed. Conformity is everything. The outside world is damned to Hell (so to speak). Shunning occurs -- and similar draconian punishments -- when you annoy the bastards sufficiently. As they torture you -- all in the name of "love" -- they try to push you back into the ranks. All of these things and others make them a cult.

    Did you know Alan Patton was a Christadelphian? Not sure his input helped make SA a substantively better place. What it is now isn't very pretty. Apartheid had to end in some manner, but I always felt a small sense of shame that he was part of CDism's claim to fame, because he so zealously helped to completely dispossess his own community in SA, leaving it in the ash heap of history. But maybe that is a misperception.

    1. Do you mean Alan Patton or Alan Paton? According to wikipedia, the latter was "the son of a civil servant.(who was of Christadelphian belief)". The reference used for this is:

      The article does not mention Christadelphianism, but does say this:

      "Alan Paton was born in Pietermaritzburg, Natal, in the east of South Africa, the son of James Paton, a civil servant, and Eunice Warder Paton. Neither of his parents was highly educated. His father used to beat his sons, and it was this traumatic experience which later shaped his views on corporal punishment. Paton found the magic of literature at an early age, reading such writers as Walter Scott, Charles Dickens and Rupert Brooke. Also he read the Bible - his parents' Christian faith and the Old Testament deeply influenced his writings. From his early childhood Paton witnessed the increase of white power at the expense of the rights of the black majority".

      The (wikipedia) article also states that:

      "Paton volunteered for service during World War II, but was refused". This also suggests that Paton was NOT a Christadelphian.

      Perhaps I have the wrong person. either way, thank you for the comment, and the interest it has given me. What we see is a man brought up in a physically, and probably mentally abusive Christadelphian home, but who manages to turn that around into something positive, and perhaps benefits others as a result.

      Please note that this is not a comment on the politics of a country I know little about, and have little interest in, and have no desire to get involved in.

    2. I spelled Alan Paton's name incorrectly. Your post spells it correctly. Yes, Alan Paton, the author of "Cry the Beloved Country," and "Too Late the Phalarope," and other famous fiction novels. His parents and extended family members were Christadelphians, and it greatly influenced his writings. He was, arguably, one of the most famous -- if not the most famous -- celebrity of Christadelphian descent. Lyndon B. Johnson also had Christadelphian relatives, but they were not immediate family members like the ones around Alan Paton. Paton never was baptized personally and thus never formally joined the CDs. Some of its religious tenets, however, allegedly greatly influenced him.

    3. I've certainly heard of LBJ as part of the Christian mythology around the Six Day War: That he acted in a way JFK, if alive and re-elected, wouldn't have, and that he was pro-Israel because some relative or Christadelphian connection had told him God cared about the Jews, and thus that it must have been part of God's plan for Israel having him as president at that time. And maybe there's some truth to that, though I'd say it's not uncommon for American presidents to be pro-Israel.

      Ultimately, though, the Six Day War was, what, 54 years ago? It obviously changed the situation in the Middle East, but I can't see any sign that it brought the mythical "return of Christ" any closer.

  3. I went back to a meeting after a very long absence. Within minutes, it was like I'd never been gone. The same droning, interminably dreary pontificating bullshit. Like some ancient ritual being performed, rote, somniferous nonsense about invisible Gods, their sons, sky fairies, and serpents that talked. The same navel-examining constipated verbal meanderings, jazzed up with five percent more energy because of the despondent hope that a sucker like me, lured into their midst, might shuffle back into the fold. How sad, their belief that they have some precious gem, called "The Truth," only to come to the gradual realization that it is something absolutely no one wants because the outside world correctly perceives it as foolishness.

    After ten minutes, or fifteen, I was squirming in my seat, counting the minutes to get out of that hellish chamber. It felt like visiting some poisoned well at some ancient property where I'd once lived.

    And I've never been back. Yes, I have bittersweet memories, sometimes, because this religion meant something to people I loved. Good people, whose love nurtured me. But that's part of the trap that keeps so many of us inside, isn't it?

    1. For a few years after I quit I went along to my former ecclesia's Christmas services, because I liked the carols and it gave an opportunity to catch up with some people I wasn't seeing that often. But that was an event intended for members of the "general public" (though I might have been the only one...). I have never been back to something like a memorial meeting and am sure I would hate it with a passion and feel like I didn't belong there if I did return.


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