Swanwick Special: Spend a week in Hell at Swanwick!

By Joseph Strong

Young people: Are you being taken or sent to the Swanwick Family Bible Weekend?....You may be lucky to get away so lightly If your parents are really dedicated Christadelphians, you will be treated to a whole WEEK of it at the end of May in the form of the Swanwick Family Bible School.

Here are the objectives of the week, as published, and some of the errr...... rules for attendance:

"The Bible School has been arranged with the objective of providing brothers and sisters and families with the opportunity to study the Word of God, for a week, with those of like precious faith, without the distractions of the world around us, that we may all be edified. The aim is to provide a positive contribution to the needs of the brotherhood in these last days.
It is expected that all brothers and sisters attending accept without reservation the Gospel contained in the Word of God as expounded in the writings of pioneer brethren and epitomised in the B.A.S.F.
We ask all attending to conduct themselves according to the Commandments of Christ and to refrain from entering into controversy over fundamental issues, although we do not of course wish to curtail discussion on the Scriptures.
The organisers of the school wish to acknowledge that God hates putting away and they do not wish the harmony of the school to be disturbed in any way with this kind of problem. 
The Bible School is dedicated to the spiritual upbuilding of all those who attend and it is hoped we shall reflect the principles of Christ in our behaviour, deportment and dress and show forth in our lives the effect of the Word of God upon us.
We look forward to a spiritually uplifting week around the Word with brothers, sisters, young people and children."

Here at the Ex-Christadelphians, we have many years of experience in translating Christadelphian talk into normal rational human talk. Our translators have prepared this for you: 

"The Bible school has been arranged so that the only people you will meet for a week are people under the same delusion as yourself. Cut off from everybody else you will become even more convinced of your correctness by the process known as group reinforcement. By bringing children too, you can deny them their half term holidays acting like normal kids, with normal kids, and start forcing your beliefs into them too. We are doing this so that we can look clever when we go back to our Ecclesias, we can forget about everybody else in the world and contribute only to ourselves. Also don't forget that although we have thought it was the last days for the last two thousand years, this time it really is. So watch out.
Everybody coming must totally accept first and foremost that what Thomas and Roberts wrote back in Victorian times was absolutely correct, even if it has long been proven otherwise. Please note that you need to accept their understanding of the gospel, not the gospel itself. Please note however that none of the Afro-Caribbean staff here may be bought, sold or used for personal services without  prior approval of the committee.
We ask that all attendees do not come with any ideas of their own at all. If you dare to try to think for yourself, we will throw you out, because that is what God, Dr Thomas and R. Roberts  tells us to do with people who don't precisely agree with us.
We want you to conduct yourselves according to the commands of Christ ( Or John Thomas). But please  do not do the nice things that Jesus taught, like being kind to people, not judging them, feeding them, caring for them, being tolerant of children, being honest, patching up injured foreigners, opening the door for everyone, etc. We want you to concentrate on the breaking up of families, indiscriminate killing of  trees,slaughtering the wicked-blood-and-guts type stuff, like the pioneers did.
We know damn well the Jesus wandered around 1st century Palestine in a John Lewis suit and his girlfriend Mary "Mags" always wore a long skirt and wedding-type hat. As did the 5000, even when they were having lunch. Even those fishermen smartened themselves up when they heard he was in town. So come looking like salesmen or we will throw you out.
Please refrain from beating your, or anyone else's children between the hours of 11:00 and 06:00.

That's the truth of the matter, so now compare the Swanwick Bible School with some known characteristics of cults from my previous post

Every paragraph, with the exception of the last, of the Bible School objectives displays a cult characteristic. By going to the Bible weekend, you are taking steps that will lead you directly into the membership of a cult. We don't want you to become an Ex-Christadelphian. We'd rather you thought for yourself and never became one.

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